The Right Connection

It’s not what you know, it’s who you know. These words often ring true in the world of business and are what many ambitious professionals live by. As one who is on the path of changing careers, I have made getting to know people a necessity. Networking, building relationships, follow-ups and follow-throughs are a part of my daily routine. Many aspiring business people do the same in hope of making the right connection.

While many professionals base the future of their careers on connecting with the right people, there is only one true “right connection” that guarantees success in business and every area of our lives: our relationship with God. However, in our quest to live accomplished lives, we often look to people and bypass God. I agree that it is important to seek advice and mentorship from established men and women in our area of business. Proverbs 1:5 states that “A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels (KJV).” I also agree that forming strategic relationships affords us with opportunities to meet other influential business people. However, being connected to God is more important than being connected to man.

It is not people who will build our careers, but it is God. God is omniscient. Only he knows his will for our lives and the path that will lead us to success. He also knows which people he has appointed to help us throughout our careers. Staying connected to God allows us to find favor with people-a favor that our networking skills, no matter how good they are, will never accomplish. Moreover, he has placed within each of us the gifts, talents, insight, and intellect necessary for us to flourish in life. It is only when we connect to him-our Source-that these internal resources will materialize for us into a life of success.

Some of you are in the process of switching career paths, like me. Others of you are looking to advance in your careers, or maybe you are even planning to start your own business. While it is wise to pursue relationships with business leaders, it is even wiser to pursue the One who leads in every area. Decide today to seek the ultimate “right connection”. As we seek him, God will lead us along the road to success.

Are You Listening?

Have you ever tried talking to someone who dominates the entire conversation? It’s nearly impossible. You spend 15, 20, sometimes 30 minutes patiently listening to them as they tell you about their day. When they’re finished, it seems, you proceed to interject your thoughts. The other person, however-totally oblivious to the sound of your voice-interrupts you in mid-sentence and continues talking as if you never said a word. Before you’ve had a chance to say anything, they bid you farewell and go on their way. If you’re like me, this can be very frustrating.

While talking to God about an individual who wasn’t a very good listener, the Holy Spirit revealed that there was someone else who lacked listening skills-me. Although I spent a lot of time talking to God on any given day, I rarely took the time to quiet myself in His presence and listen.

I realized that I’d spent most of  my prayer time-if not all of it-talking to God about my problems, my desires, my ministry, my career, my family, my friends. And when I was done, I’d quickly move on to something else. But more importantly, I realized that I’d spent very little time just listening for God’s voice. There was definitely an imbalance: I’d been dominating the conversation.

There is nothing wrong with pouring out our hearts to God in prayer. In fact, God invites us in His word to “cast all our cares upon him because he cares for us (1 Peter 5:7 KJV).”  However, prayer is more than just talking to God about our issues; it is also a form of communion. Simply stated, commune means to share and to communicate. So when we pray, we should share in the communication with God. This removes all selfishness: God patiently listens to us while we’re talking, and we give Him the same courtesy.

We receive many spiritual benefits when we keep an open ear to God’s voice. These include God’s ability to 1) reveal our sins and areas in our lives that need to be changed, 2) instruct us in His will for our lives, and 3) reveal Himself to us.

 

1) God will reveal sin and areas in our lives that need to be changed.

We often become tattle-tales in prayer, going to God with our list of complaints and dislikes about others. This makes it easy for us to focus on the sin and flaws of others while ignoring our own. However, God wants us to stop pointing our fingers, quiet ourselves, and examine our own hearts. Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah. (Psalms 4:4 NIV)

2) God will instruct us in His will for our lives.

Scripture tells us that when we acknowledge God in all of our ways, He will direct our paths (Proverbs 3:6 KJV). Many of us spend a lot of time in prayer acknowledging our problems, our needs, our desire for others, and so on. However, we often neglect to acknowledge God because we don’t allow Him to speak to us concerning these issues. When we take out the time to listen to God, we receive His direction on how to handle our problems, obtain our needs, and help those we are praying for.

3) God will reveal Himself to us.

Listening to others allows us to learn something about them that we didn’t previously know, and we are afforded the opportunity to become better acquainted with them. The same is true of our communion with God. When we quiet ourselves in His presence, God will show us things about Himself that our minds could never fathom. In Jeremiah 33:3 (NKJV) God said, “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things which you do not know.” God wants to reveal Himself to us. So when we call out to Him, we must make sure that we listen for His response, allowing ourselves to become better acquainted with our Creator.

Our heavenly Father wants to show us the shortcomings in our lives that are hindering us from truly serving Him. God delights in sharing His wisdom and knowledge with us to guide us through life. God also wants to reveal Himself to us. We often pray for these things, but how often do we give God the opportunity to share His heart with us concerning these matters? When we dominate our prayer time with God, we rob Him of the opportunity to do so. Decide today to stop being selfish during your prayer time. Instead, still yourself in God’s presence and let Him speak to you. It will be time well spent.

Never Mind the Hating, Stop the Placating!

One of my favorite childhood books is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, so when the movie was remade in 2005, I rushed to the theatre to see it. My favorite scene shows Veruca Salt, a spoiled, rich girl, and her encounter with some rather unusual nut-cracking squirrels.

While touring one of the many whimsical rooms in the factory, the spoiled Veruca becomes mesmerized by the nut-cracking squirrels, who are busy at work, testing and separating the good nuts from the bad. Because she wants one of them for a pet, Veruca invades their working area, hoping to capture one. But she is rushed by the furry creatures, who, following their usual procedure, check Veruca like any other nut. With one knock on the forehand, the squirrels discover that she is indeed a “bad nut”. Kicking and screaming, she is pushed down a hole where all the other bad nuts are discarded.

Although humorous, this memorable scene accurately depicts a common human experience: encountering other people’s opinions. Everyday, we are placed under personal microscopes and scrutinized based upon an individual’s preferences, standards, and experiences. If we pass their inspection, we get a green light and are accepted with open arms. But if we fall short of their expectations, we often end up like Veruca: rejected and discarded.

While many of us have accepted the fact that we can’t please everyone, some of us try to maintain a positive image in the eyes of other people, hoping to avoid any negative opinions and ultimately rejection. I’m sure that if Veruca could have stopped the squirrels from pushing her down the garbage hole by convincing them that she was a “good nut”, she would have. How many times have you tried to convince someone not to discard you? While we may not come right out and say, “Please don’t throw me away,” our actions and attitudes say it for us: We don’t stand up for what we believe in, we avoid confrontation at all costs, and we even compromise God’s will for our lives - all in the name of pleasing people. 

So what causes us to shrink back from what we believe is right, our personal goals, and God’s plan for our lives? Author of Breaking Intimidation, John Bevere, attributes it to “the fear of man” and explains it this way:

To fear man is to stand in alarm, anxiety, awe, dread, and suspicion, cowering before mortal men. When entrapped by this fear we will live on the run, hiding from harm or reproach, and constantly avoiding rejection and confrontation….When we please men to escape reproach, we forget the Lord.

Case and point: When we fear man, we forsake pleasing God to serve people and their desires, standards, and goals for our lives. But we are not called to please people. We are called to please God (Galatians 1:10).

If we are to fulfill our call to please God, we must constantly seek God’s presence. Spending time in prayer and in the word of God teaches us: 1) the fear of God, 2) who we are in God, and 3) God’s will for our lives, all of which help us to overcome other’s opinions and to stop compromising God’s plan for our lives. Let’s take a closer look.

1) The Fear of God

When we continually fellowship with God, we allow Him the opportunity to reveal Himself to us. Not only do we discover who God is, but we also see ourselves in light of Him (Isaiah 64:8; Job 38-39). As our knowledge of our Creator’s greatness increases, we develop an understanding that we-just like all other men-are nothing without Him (John 15:5). These repeated encounters spark a change within us, replacing the fear of man with a genuine fear of God (Psalm: 27:1, 34:11, 111:10, 118:6; Matthew 10:28).

2) Who We Are in God

Spending time with God also reveals who we really are in Him. The more time we spend in God’s presence and word, the more our faith is strengthened in what He says about us (Romans 10:17). It is when we become fully assured of who God created us to be that we no longer esteem the opinions of man more than the word of God. Instead, we are convinced that man’s opinion is just that-an opinion. Our fear of rejection diminishes, and God’s word of love and acceptance reigns supreme in our hearts. (Read: Genesis 1:27; Ephesians 1:6; 1 Peter 2: 9,24) 

3) God’s Will for Our Lives

Finally, when we immerse ourselves in the word of God, we find out what His will is for our lives. The bible is full of scriptures that outline God’s purpose, plan, and promises for us. Our job is to spend time studying and meditating on these jewels of knowledge so we can discover God’s perfect will (Joshua 1:8; Psalm 1:2; 2 Timothy 2:15). Equipped with this knowledge, we become empowered to overcome other’s opinions and resist the urge to compromise our decisions to please people.   

Although we would like, not everyone is going to agree with or understand our decisions. Our family and friends will at some point disagree with our decisions regarding our careers, relationships, finances, education, and so on. While some of their concerns may be genuine, we cannot compromise our God-led decisions in order to please someone else.

In fact, because our decisions are led by God, we ought to expect to ruffle a few feathers. Just look at the life of Jesus, who constantly faced negative opinions and rejection simply because He followed God’s will. But Jesus didn’t compromise-and neither should we! It is not our job to appease our ruffled family, friends, and associates with explanations or to change our minds to keep the peace. The only thing that we are required to do is to continue to follow God’s lead and trust in Him to guide us along the right path.

If you find yourself constantly compromising to please other people, pray and ask God to deliver you from rejection and the fear of man. Then ask God to teach you how to fear Him instead. Finally, seek God’s will for your life by spending time studying and meditating on His word, constantly praying for His direction. When you seek to please God, you can expect to one day hear the words spoken to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ: “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased (Matthew 3:17 KJV).”

A Higher Standard

I’ve always been an ambitious student, striving to excel academically. So much so that I carry an expectation to out-perform other students, especially in classes where the professor touts that it is difficult for a student to make an A in the class. I owe this determination, in part, to my dad, who always pushed me to do my best in school.

I can still hear his voice, making his usual speech after reviewing one of my report cards that contained nothing less than a B: “Congratulations! Remember, you’re a Carter. And Carters don’t get Cs. Or, he’d say, ”I’ll take a B, but I know you can get an A.” While I didn’t understand at the time, I know now that that was his way of saying, “Don’t settle for mediocrity.”

I was recently reminded of this when I found out I had to retake a class at the university I’m attending. I became too relaxed, slacking in my studies, allowing unimportant things and people to distract me. And, well, I paid the price. A flashback of my dad’s mini-speech filled me with determination to redeem myself from a disastrous semester, so I set out to earn a 4.0 that particular term. With a lot of hard work-and a lot more prayer-I accomplished my goal!

As I bragged to myself about my accomplishment, the Holy Spirit convicted me: Why don’t you have that same determination and mentality of excellence about serving God? Think of the impact you could have in God’s kingdom if you did. Just like my dad, I could hear God the Father saying, in essence, “You’re a child of God. And children of God don’t settle for mediocrity.” But I was.

It’s not that I didn’t have a personal relationship with the Lord, but deep down I knew I could be doing more for God’s kingdom. I became comfortable with my normal routine of praying and reading my bible daily, attending church regularly, and volunteering at the church. That day, however, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that, like so many other Christians, I was complacent in my spiritual walk.

God is calling us to a higher standard. He is calling us to be disciples, followers and students of Jesus Christ. A true student of Christ is one who studies and learns from Jesus’ life and then imitates His example. Looking in scripture, we find that Jesus was anything but mediocre. On the contrary, He spent His life on earth walking in the excellence of God’s glory by 1) proclaiming salvation to lost souls, 2) serving others, 3) personifying God’s love, and 4) obeying God.

A closer look at these points will help us to understand the higher standard of discipleship to which God is calling us.

1) Proclaiming Salvation to Lost Souls:  In Luke 4:18,19, Jesus set the tone for His purpose on earth: “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel…to preach the acceptable year of the Lord.”

Our purpose is no different from that of Jesus: God is calling us to be witnesses of His glorious salvation to the lost. It’s easy for us to get comfortable in our religious routines. But while we’re sitting comfortably on church pews, listening to the Sunday morning sermon, someone is walking around outside who has never heard about the love of Jesus Christ. 

True disciples of Jesus are not satisfied with salvation for themselves alone, but they ask the Holy Spirit to lead them daily so they can be an effective witness to those who have not yet given their lives to Christ.

2) Serving Others:  Jesus spent the entirety of His time on earth serving others. He prayed for people. He healed the sick. He raised the dead. The list goes on and on. Jesus’ unselfish attitude toward service is described in Matthew 20:28: “…the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve…(NASB)”. 

Likewise, we should focus our attention on serving others-not ourselves. We are surrounded by people who are hurting and in need. They’re on our jobs, in our neighborhoods, at our schools, and in our churches. If we have a willing heart to serve, God will guide us to people who we can help through encouragement, mentoring, giving, and in many other ways.

3) Personifying God’s Love:  John 3:16 is a familiar scripture: “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” 

Jesus embodied the love of God when He laid down His life so our sins could be forgiven, allowing us to receive eternal life. More important to note is the fact that Jesus died for everyone-even for those that would not receive His salvation. Now, that’s true love!

Jesus’ example of unconditional love can be difficult to follow at times, especially when we’ve been hurt or emotionally devastated. But we are not truly walking in the love of God if we don’t genuinely love everyone. As true followers of Christ, we must reach for a higher standard and,“Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect (Matthew 5:48 NIV).”  (Read Matthew 5:43-48)

4) Obeying God:  The extent of Jesus’ obedience is outlined in Philippians 2:8: “And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”

It is because of Jesus’ obedience to the will of God that we are able to obtain salvation. Jesus died to His will, His feelings, His desires, to fulfill the purpose of God in the earth. Ultimately, He gave up His life in obeying God.

In following Jesus’ example, we must also humble ourselves and be obedient to the will of God for our lives. While we don’t have to die on a cross, we are required to die to ourselves. Obeying God may require us to spend time praying instead of watching television, postpone pursuing a personal goal, or dissolve an unproductive relationship. Whatever the requirement of obedience, we must be like Jesus and say to God, ”…not my will, but thine, be done (Luke 22:42).”

God has equipped us with everything we need to follow His Son’s example (2 Peter 1:3; Ephesians 2:10). Imagine the impact we could have in the world if we set our minds and hearts to be more like Jesus. I challenge you to join me in reaching for the higher standard that God has called us to in Christ Jesus.

Overcoming Rejection

We’ve all encountered rejection at some point in our lives. Whether we were ignored by the person we were interested in, or turned down for a big job promotion, or not accepted into a prestigious social group, rejection hurts. Still, there are more serious cases of rejection that often devastate the heart.

These include instances where children are neglected by their parents, overweight individuals are shunned by others, husbands and wives discover that their spouses committed adultery, or someone who is different is constantly mocked and ridiculed.

 

In any of these cases, rejection can be difficult to deal with. Rejection can be especially devastating when it is a recurring event. It leaves us feeling scared that we’re not enough-not smart enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough, not important enough. However, the word of God says different.

“…for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession” (1 Peter 2:9 NKJV).

 Ephesians 1:5-6 goes on to say: “Having predestined us to be His own adopted children by Jesus Christ, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, wherein He hath made us accepted in His Beloved.”

What a comfort it is to know that we are not only accepted by God, but that we are also chosen by Him to be His children. What’s even more amazing is that God loves us just as we are. In spite of Him knowing everything about us-our shortcomings, our mistakes, and our sins-God still accepts us.

It is important, then, for us to understand that we are not “less than” just because someone rejects us. Others may not see our true value but God, the One who created us, does. In fact, because we were created in His image (Genesis 1:27), we were created with value. The word of God declares that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). That means that God took His time forming us into the individuals He wants us to be, individuals who are a reflection of His love, greatness, and purpose.

It is also important to realize that rejection is not about us but about the other person. It’s not about whether or not you’re pretty or thin enough. It’s often about the other person’s personal preference. It’s not about whether or not you’re smart or qualified enough. Sometimes it’s about the other person’s insecurities and the fact that they are threatened by your potential.

When someone cheats on you, it’s about their inability to remain faithful in a relationship. When someone constantly ridicules and gossips about you, it’s about them trying to hide their own insecurities. When someone mocks you because you’re different, it’s about their fears and ignorance.

There’s no doubt that the hurt that we feel from rejection is real. However, God is able to heal our hearts from the pain as we seek Him in prayer and worship. He will also help us to realize His unconditional love and acceptance of us, and our true value in Him-that we are vessels chosen to bring Him glory.

The Missing Link

52 Shot in Chicago Over Weekend, At Least 8 Dead.

If you’re like me, your heart broke when you read this headline. The greatest tragedy of them all is that many people loss their lives during a senseless shooting. These people will never have the opportunity to reach their God-given potential. However, there is another tragedy that plagues my heart: More than often the suspects and victims of similar crimes we read about in the news are black.

What is missing in the black community that opens the door for senseless black-on-black murders? What is missing in the black community that allow so many other social ailments to prevail? What is missing in the black community that causes the structure of the African-American family to be weakened?

The father.

A father’s role in the lives of his children is vital. He is the foundation of the family, responsible for guiding, protecting, affirming, and providing for his children. Unfortunately, fathers are often the missing link in families. As a result, our children are suffering.

More than half of African-American children live in single-parent homes. As a result, many of these children live in poverty. They also live in environments where they are more susceptible to sexual promiscuity, teenage pregnancy and crime.

These and other social ailments, however, are visible signs of an emotional void that needs to be filled within our children. I believe that there is an innate need in each of us for our father. And when it’s not filled, we search for fulfillment elsewhere. So it’s no surprise that so many young girls are sexually promiscuous or that so many young boys are associated with others who are bad influences; the relationships and associations that our children are involved in, even if short-lived, give them the attention and so-called love that they never received from their fathers.

Young girls need their fathers to tell them how special they are and to take them out on their “first date” and show them how they should be treated by a man. Young boys need their fathers to teach them about commitment, hard work and responsibility. They both need their fathers to be examples in their lives.

“…if we are honest with ourselves, we’ll admit that what too many fathers also are is missing – missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it.”

These are the words of President Barak Obama (then presidential candidate) during a 2008 Father’s Day speech. President Obama knows first-hand of the struggles that arise from growing up without a father, being raised by his mother and grandparents. This is the story of many black children. While mothers and grandparents have done a commendable job in raising their children, it is time for the missing fathers to own up to their responsibilities.

To fathers who are not actively involved in your childrens’ life, I encourage you to re-evaluate your decision. Not only are your children missing out on knowing their dad, you are also missing out on the opportunity to build a great and loving relationship with them.

To be fair, there are many black men-married and unmarried-who take care of their children. I urge those of you who are responsible fathers to join a mentoring program and support other children who don’t have fathers in their home. I also urge you to encourage other men who you know who have abandoned their responsibility as a father.  Whether brother, uncle, cousin, next door neighbor, business owner, or community leader, you all can make a difference as men.

Drawing Near to the Father

This third Sunday in June we celebrate our fathers, honoring them for their love, sacrifices, and dedication. For many of you, this is a joyous occasion, as you thank God for all the good times spent growing up and for the many years to come with your beloved fathers. Others of you only have memories, as your father passed away. Still there are some of you that can only imagine what it would be like to have a close relationship with your father or to even know him at all.

Although the grief of losing a father to death may still linger, and although many of your hearts still bare the pain of an estranged relationship, and although some of you carry memories of abandonment, you have a Heavenly Father.

It may be difficult for some of you to draw near to God and to trust Him because your natural father let you down or even rejected you. But God is not a man. Neither is He some supernatural being that is unapproachable. Rather, He is a merciful and compassionate God who loves you unconditionally. He is our Father.

God longs for His children to be in constant fellowship with Him. He wants us to be close to Him-to abide in His love, so He can abide in us. This was demonstrated by the sacrifice of His only Son, Jesus, who made it possible for us to be reconciled to God.

Though some of you were abandoned by your fathers, God will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).  And though some of you are experiencing feelings of rejection, God accepts you and considers you to be the apple of His eye (1 Peter 2:4; Deuteronomy 32:10). And though some of you were told that you would never amount to anything, God calls you chosen, precious, holy and royal priests (1 Peter 2:4,9).

God is proud of us and is not ashamed of His children. With all of our flaws and despite our sinful nature, He loves us still. He won’t disown us when we do something wrong. He won’t abuse or demean us in any way. He won’t turn His back on us or leave us during difficult times. What shall seperate us from the love of God? Nothing!

God is here to love us, to affirm us, to counsel us, to protect us, to provide for us, to defend us, to chasten us, to encourage us, to comfort us, to support us. He is here for us.

Draw near to God, our Heavenly Father, today and He will draw near to you. As His love saturates your heart, it will consume every hurt, every feeling of rejection and disappointment, and every painful memory.

May the peace and love of God be with your hearts as you draw close to Him.

“…disallowed (rejected) indeed by men, but chosen of God and precious.” (1 Peter 2:4)